Tomorrow will be 18 years since my dad died…..this past week, I have found myself reminiscing about all the good times I had with him. I was so lucky and fortunate to have a father who loved me, who taught me about the world, and supported and encouraged me. Dad made me a better person…..always being compassionate and constantly trying to understand my issues and helping me through my problems. So many children today do not have an active father in their lives. It is sad…..I see it every day and am reminded just how blessed I was to have such a wonderful person to help my mom raise me and my brother.
I remember going to the beach at any time of day (morning, noon, or night) to play in the sand and the ocean. I remember going on long drives with him just to “talk”. I remember going to lunch at quaint little diners that we’d never been to before. I remember laughing uncontrollably at my goofiness. I remember spending countless hours with him in the yard as he taught me how to plant a flower garden and maintain it. I remember him tucking me into bed and reading a story to me. I remember spending time in the driveway and garage as he washed and waxed the cars. I remember watching Elvira and The Twilight Zone on Sunday afternoons. I remember his great hugs and kisses on my forehead. I remember going to the Father-Daughter dance in 6th grade and being so proud.
I remember “the look” and knowing I was in trouble…..BIG time. I remember being grounded. I remember having my allowance taken away. I remember being sent to my room. I remember having my phone taken away until my grades came up. I remember disappointing him and knowing how much it hurt him.
Either way, good or bad memories….they all served to shape me as a woman and as a mom. Those memories will forever live on in my life. Hopefully I have learned the tools that will make me a better wife and mother to my children. He has missed a lot. I would have loved for him to be able to walk me down the aisle when I got married. I would have loved to see him as a grandpa…..he would be so proud of my kids. I would have loved for him to see me receive my Bachelor’s degree and then my Master’s. I would love to just have that one last talk with him, just to hear his voice again. I have officially lived half my life (18 years) without him now and each year that passes, I wonder if it will ever get any easier. It does…..but the memories never go away and I hope they stay with me forever. I love you, Dad….with all my heart.
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